Daddy knows best
by Sunny Ice
Summary: "Kensi, you're pregnant."-"What?"
1. The statement

**AN**: I fell in love with the show after seeing this pair, so I started writing and I hope you enjoy, because I'd love to share my thoughts about NCIS:LA.

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><p>It started with a simple sentence:<br>"Kensi, you're pregnant."  
>"What?"<br>Unbelievingly she lowers her gun and looks at the man who said the statement.  
>"What are you talking about? Shut up and get this job done!"<br>He doesn't say anything else until the bad guys are wrapped up and only the two of them are left outside the scene of the busted warehouse.  
>She turns to him, her arms crossed, her eyes glaring.<br>"Okay, spill. What makes you think I'm pregnant, Deeks?"  
>"Various things." He shrugs and leans against the car, letting his gaze wander as he does so often.<br>"Like?" She promts.  
>"Your eating habits-"<br>"Have been strange before."  
>"See. Now you're eating like they want you to. Healthy even."<br>"Maybe I'm finally growing old and have to look after myself." She leans against the car too, looking at his eyes which still avoide hers.  
>"Your work-out." He waits for her to interrupt him. She doesn't do so. "You do more, but work more on one spot. Like rather doing sit-ups than laps."<br>Yeah, she'd stayed more on the same place in the gym-her mat-, but she hadn't realized anyone would notice.  
>"So?"<br>"And you're being moody more days than your month is long."  
>"You can't possibly have noticed how long my month is," she laughs humorlessly.<br>"Four days." Now he looks at her. Challenging.  
>She looks away. He's right.<p>

"You're late, aren't you?" His voice is soft, more a whisper than an accusation.

Kensi furrows her brow.

Deeks' eyebrow shoots up.

Kensi thinks hard, calculates.

Deeks studies her closely, counts back the days when...

She bites her lip.

He huffs in surprise.

"You haven't taken a test yet?!"  
>She claps her hand over his mouth.<br>"There is no reason to," she hisses.  
>He just tilts his head. <em>Seriously?<em>

"Things were stressful lately, I could be late because of that." She tries to defend her opinion, not to clearify the subject, Deeks notices.

He lifts a brow. _Who are you trying to lie at?_  
>She still has her hand over his mouth.<br>"I've eaten healthy before. Pizza is nothing more than bread and vegetables and cheese and..." She sees the look in his eyes and her hand falls to her side, "The floor in the gym was warm!" She surpresses the urge to stomp her foot to sum the picture of a whining child up.

Deeks doesn't say anything. Not yet.  
>Kensi sighs and turns away. She runs a hand through her hair and props the other on her hip.<br>She looks into the setting sun, but doesn't see it.

He is right, a voice inside her shouts.  
>She'd noticed these changes too, but as long as she doesn't take the test she can play it off as an illness or something.<p>

Maybe she is just afraid.  
>Of what she doesn't know. Positive or negative, yes or no, mother-to-be or childless single - as long as she holds her weight, trains the same and keeps her food she was alright.<p>

But now?

What now?

Kensi turns to face her partner again. She nodds absentmindly, her gaze on the ground. Her right arm drops to her side, the other reaches in her pocket and fishes the car-keys out.  
>"Drugstore. You drive."<p>

_Time for new arrangements._

u-_-u

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><p><strong>I'd write a few more chapters, but first I wanna know if you like to read them.<br>**


	2. The possibility

**AN: **I know it's been a long time, but this is kinda usual for me. Also this piece kept me awake some nights, because it's getting heavy...

Thanks goes out to _bookdiva_ for beat-ing this thingy for me; and _BlackBeltGirl67_, who assists me with the characterisation, while having lots of schoolwork. Hold on, girl, we're with you:-)

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><p>The silence of the ride did nothing to calm his nerves.<p>

Since this one fateful night, they hadn't really talked to each other. When it wasn't about a job to do, neither said a word.

Kensi didn't know what to say.  
>If it were her, she would have gone to him and said two words: "Forget it." Simple.<p>

Not.

Right from the beginning their partnership was nothing but complicated. Both were still nursing their emotional wounds from losing a precious partner, unable to open up to anything new.

Anyone new.

Deeks didn't know how to say it.  
>That for once she didn't have to shove the blame to him or her solely. They have been in this together.<p>

It takes two to tango.

All the times he'd put her first, always looked out for her, but that...he'd said more than enough.  
>He had hopes that this wasn't their breaking point.<p>

"Kensi?" He had gotten out of the car he'd pulled up in front of the lone drugstore, but after a few steps noticed that she wasn't with him.  
>She still sat frozen in her seat, not even unbuckled.<p>

"Kens? You comin'?" She didn't look up.  
>"Okay..." Sighing, he climbed back into the driver's seat, the door enclosing the silence once again.<p>

Seconds, minutes, hours, days seemed to pass before he heard her quiet mumble.

"I can't do this."

The witty remark that buying a stick to pee on was nothing one couldn't do died instantly in his brain.

"You're not alone." He looked at her, her hands in her lap, fingers tangled. Her head was bowed, her hair falling to hide her face.  
>He heard somewhat between a snort and a laugh coming from her.<br>Than, too fast and sudden after the slowness of the seconds before, she ripped open the door, got out and slammed it shut behind her.

Deeks watched her storm towards the drugstore, before reaching over and hiding her forgotten wallet in the glove department and following her with a sigh.

w-_-w

These damned shops and their damned way of sorting things.  
>Why not alphabetically or at least like the colours of the rainbow?<p>

Kensi searched, maintaining herself to look calm and normal on the outside to not draw attention, aisle after aisle.  
>Blind to everything she might had to buy, but didn't need right now, she walked on, trying not to run.<br>She was about to give up her pride and ask someone for help, when she saw them.

Finally!  
>She ran and grabbed everything resembling a pregnancy test.<p>

The sharp intake of breath made her turn around a see a woman -probably Hetty's age, but who knew how old Hetty was really?- looking at her with wide eyes.

Kensi's face flushed. She smiled embarrassed and sorted the boxes hurridly back into the shelf, not looking which one belonged where.

A voice just heard saved her from further looks. "Did you find the one my sister asked for?" Deeks came to a halt at the head of the aisle, as if he didn't even see the lady staring at his partner.

"You know that's the fourth time this years wants to know if we get another nephew."  
>He adressed the woman, still standing and staring. "Monday evening and my sister thinks again she's pregnant. But with her cold she can't get out of bed and her husband...oh, don't get me started on him." He turned to Kensi. "Thanks again, for helping me." She waited for him to put an arm around her, to call her Sugarbear, Fern or Kiki, but nothing.<p>

No touch, no petname.

He shoved the basket he had been carrying in her hands and reached around her. "Okay, that one didn't work, that one said she was just a few weeks along, this one..." Seeing as the lady had moved on -who knows if she bought the story or not, but who cares?- he packed a few boxes into the tray.

Kensi watched astonished, but gathered her voice pretty fast considering what they were doing.  
>"Deeks? Don't you think seven tests are a bit too much?"<p>

"Nope. We have at least one of every kind, different methods, different brands, different waiting times."  
>With that he took the tray back, striding towards the register.<br>Confused, but getting a bit angry, she followed him.  
>When she stood beside him, she searched for her wallet.<p>

A rush of cold ran down her spine.  
>Painic rose in her chest.<br>It wasn't in her backpocket!  
>Had she lost it somewhere here or back at the scene?<br>She had to get back, but the cashier already was about to scan in the test.

"Deeks, I-"

"It's in the car." Before she could open her mouth to ask for the keys, he seemingly read her thoughts again. "Don't worry, I got it." He took out his own wallet, smiling at the young man before reaching his hand with the money out to him.  
>Kensi's death-grip on his arms would have made him wince, but he knew her too well to be unprepared for her actions.<p>

"No," she hissed.  
>How could he dare? This was her misery, her misery alone. He'd done enough to the current situation, more than enough for her likings.<br>He couldn't pay for her pregnancy tests, when her wallet was just a few metres away.

"Kensi..." He put a hand on her shoulder, giving an excusing smile to the cashier and turning her away from the man for a bit of privacy. He didn't care if someone waited to pay behind them. Not that anyone would; ten minutes before the store closed there were just a few people there.

"I do not do this for you. I'm not pulling the knight in shining armor- number, okay? Right now I do it for me."  
>It was a lie she didn't have to call him out on. But he didn't want her to freak out even more if he told her that her worrying had him worrying and if she wasn't happy, neither was he.<br>A sudden thought stroke him, but he locked it in the back of his mind.

"If you're pregnant, I am the one equally responsible. So, please Kensi, let me just pay for this," he would be on his knees begging, if needed.  
>He knew she wanted this to be over just as fast a him.<p>

Without a word, she gave her agreement.  
>Deeks face lit up. Not thinking about the action, he brushed his knuckles over her cheek and turned back to the cashier.<br>Kensi's hand lifted up.  
>As suddenly as his gesture had come, her anger was gone.<p>

w-_-w

"No!"

"Kensi..."

"Deeks, I don't need them. Bring them back."

"Kensi! You haven't even taken one."

"But I'm not pregnant, okay? I had a fleeting moment of self-doubt and now it is over."

They circled her living room, Kensi being sure she didn't need a test to tell her she was alone in her body; and Deeks trying to convince her that she had to prove him -he wouldn't admit that it was for her mental health mainly- that.

"You had a-" He couldn't believe his ears. "Oh, don't you tell me Kensi Marie Blye suddenly admits she's been wrong about something." Sarcasm dripped off his words.

"Even the best can be wrong sometimes. I found out myself, so I get to decide." She shrugged and fought the urge to stick her tongue out at him.  
>Taking advantage of the moment he was frozen about her words, she took all the boxes from her table and shoved them back into the bag.<p>

"Kensi." His soft voice pleading with her made her sigh and close her eyes.  
>It was her house, it was her body, it was her desicion.<p>

"Only one. Whatever it says, if you don't want the others I bring them back immediately, but please...just one."

Kensi closed her eyes.

Took a deep breath.

Opened her eyes.

Looked into his eyes.

Sighed.

It was his money after all. So if he wasted it, for her it should be...

"Fine."  
>She ripped the box from his hands, stomping to the bathroom.<p>

She locked the door forcefully.

Than she leaned heavily against the sink.

Her knees threatened to give away.

Her body felt like cement.

After this day, after everything that had happened she was exhausted.

Only this morning she was able to deny that her craving for chips instead of doughnuts for breakfast came from her hormones. From hormones not different from her monthly ones.

She looked at herself in the mirror.

Almost violently she turned the faucet on and splashed cold water in her face.  
>She jumped from the sudden contact on her skin.<br>She kept her hands over her face, taking deep breaths.

In.

Out.

In.

Knock.  
>Knock-knock.<p>

She looked at the door as if not believing that it could interrupt her in this moment.

"Kens?"

Oh yeah, there was someone interrupting behind the door.

"You okay?"

"Fine," she answered, startled by the loudness of her own voice.

"Kensi..." You know what I want to say, don't make me voice it.

"Gimme...give me just a minute."

Not waiting for his answer, she turned the faucet off and opened the box.  
>A white stick -looking like a thick pen- dropped onto her palm, followed by an instruction paper.<br>Kensi took a tentative seat on the lid of the toilet, trying to read the way too tiny letters.

Frustrated because she couldn't read one word due to her shaking hands, she groaned and dropped the pen and paper on the floor.  
>She wiped her hand over her eyes and fought to keep the lump in her throat down.<br>Why did this have to be so difficult?

'Just unbotton your jeans, get it down with your panties, sit on the toilet and do it!'  
>How could it be that a trained agent was suddenly unable to do something she did since her early childhood?<br>In the afternoon tying up men twice her size, armed to the teeth; in the evening not being able to pee on a stick?

At this moment all strenght left her.  
>She dragged herself up from her seat and opened the door.<br>With heavy steps she moved back to her living room, completely ignoring Deeks' eager look as she slumped on the couch.

"So?" He asked, sitting down next to her, confusedly searching for the stick.

"Couldn't," she murmured, her head tilted back, her eyes closed.

"What-"

"I didn't drink enough."  
>Kensi didn't look up, didn't move more than her lips.<br>Feeling Deeks getting up, she gave in to the darkness that had wanted to swallow her before and fell flat onto the couch. Rolling into a ball -not wanting to think about it being also called _fetus- position_- she let all thoughts flow freely in her head.

She could possibly be pregnant.  
>She could possibly become a mother.<br>She could possibly get a family.

After all, if she was pregnant, Deeks would be the father.  
>And knowing him, he would gush over the baby, making her feel like a bad mother.<br>Making her feel worse than the day she slept with him.  
>The first and last time.<br>u-_-u

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><p><strong>AN2: T<strong>his thing is not going to be light and fluffly anymore starting with the next chapter, I will rise the rating and change one genre (likely to _Angst). _If this isn't your cup of tea, tell me, I'll write a second, light version, like the first chapter (imop) suggested. Then we have a dark and a light version, both would start after this chapter.

Leave me a review, please!-) (For it's your decision.)


	3. The night

**AN: Okay, my beta for this story bookdiva (thanks to her for bearing with me and my loooong update-times:-) meant that the parts of this chapter aren't that clear.**

**This are Kensi's memories, mixed with Deeks' on what happened that lead to the fact that she is now sitting in her bathroom and about to take a pregnancy test.**

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><p>It didn't start with a date.<br>Not even with an undercover-date.  
>Not with a tight dress and not with a fitting suit.<p>

It didn't start with a wound.  
>Not with a GSW.<br>Not with blood and bruises.

It didn't start with a bonding-evening.  
>Not with Top Model.<br>Not with laughter.

Kensi and Deeks' first night giving in to their feelings had started with tears and screaming. And it could have ended that way too.

But it didn't.

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><p>"That is my last word!"<p>

"Yeah, Blye, but not mine!"

"You do know it will turn out to make you look even crazier if you keep talking without me responding." Kensi stomped into the bullpen, gathering her things and arguing with her partner.

"I just-"

She swirled around and came dangerously close to his face. Her growling sent goosebumps down his spine.

"You call me _Badass Blye_, Deeks, one thinks you should know not to pull the knight-in-shining -armour-stunt on me."

If it were for him, he would have made her shut up from this nonsense in a way both -he was sure of it- would enjoy. But in fear that she would just bite his tongue off if he kissed her, he settled for running his hand through his hair, sighing in exhaustion.

"You are my partner, Kensi. I am supposed to have your back. It is my job!" He would have added a curse or two (dozen) but he tried to calm her, not rile her up even more.

"And it is _my_ job to take the bad guys down. So if you're my partner it is yours as well. So take down the bad guys, _not me_!" And with that she was out the door, leaving a whirlwind behind her and some collegues with wide eyes.

"Deeks..." Callen wanted him to explain.

He did without hesitation or looking at him.  
>"One of the perps was aiming at her and I checked -she didn't see him. I wanted to warn her, but the guy already moved. So did I."<p>

"You tackled her?" Sam asked from behind his desk.

"I would have just shoved her out of the way, but she'd have ripped me apart even more if I took the bullet. Maybe killed me herself." He muttered the last words.

After lifting his eyes from the floor, he looked at Callen.

The senior agent simply nodded.

"You did right. Neither of you is in hospital right now and that is what matters. I assume you got the shooter?"

Deeks gave his signature smirk, not expecting anyone to look throught the shallowness of it. "That was even cooler than _Matrix_ what I pulled in there. He's in the boatshed for you two."

"Good work, tell Kensi that when you see her." Callen stood up and was followed by Sam as they went to interrogate the suspect (and not go easy on him, because he shot at Kensi. And Deeks. But shooting at Kensi was it mainly).

Deeks slumped in his chair letting his head fall back and his eyes close.

A small grin made its way on his face.

_He said _when_, not _if.

w-_-w

Normally coming home had a soothing effect on her.

It meant that she was okay, that she could walk and talk on her own and not with tubes and wires on and in her body.

Today, however, she didn't feel the calmness washing over her.

Knowing this wouldn't change too soon, she ripped her dresser open, tossing her clothes anywhere (as if her home was clean and tidy otherwise) in search for something to go to a club with.

Dancing seemed better than shooting today and feeling a man where she practied to shoot regularly was what she longed for right now.

Kensi almost didn't hear the knock on her door.

Not daring to ignore it (if it were Callen he would incessantly ask her tomorrow about why she hadn't opened her door), she threw the skirt she had been holding on the floor and went to answer it.

She didn't check if it were really Callen before ripping the door open (gun in one hand, she was a fed after all) and snapped "what?!" at the person in front of her.

"Miss Blye?" A tall young woman clad in the uniform of a pizza-service, asked her fearfully.

Not feeling polite tonight, Kensi repeated her question, a bit less forceful though.

"This is for you. It's already been paid for. Oh and I should give you this." She took a piece of paper from under the box and handed it Kensi.

After tipping the girl off and smiling apologetically (it wasn't her fault and she delivered food) she closed the door and brought the box to her living room, setting it down to read the note. 

_You're my partner. Ruin your health this way. I'll even help you with it.  
><em>

Then something happened that Kensi hadn't expected and Deeks would have avoided if he'd forseen it: she got angry again.

Snatching her car-keys and locking her door, she was on the way to rip his head off.

_Not this way, partner. Not like that._

w-_-w

Patting a pet really helps soothing the nerves.

Absentmindly Marty scratched Monty's ear and let the fight play in his mind again.

The whole ride from the scene to OSP Kensi had shouted at him.

None of his explanations or excuses were good enough for her.

_"That's not the point, Deeks. The point is, you thought I wasn't capable of protecting myself."  
>"That's nonsense and so not the point. I know you are able to protect yourself, but back there I...added to it."<em>

He decided that he won't go over to her and risk being shout at and (maybe literally) ripped apart by Kensi.

Instead he sent a peace-offer.

Monty's head shot up before Deeks heard the knock on the door.

Sighing he got up after his dog and opened the door, shoving his buddy behind it first (you never know the maniacs that would hurt or kill an animal).

Before he had the chance to see if Jenny was back with good news (she had a crush on him, he knew. There was no way you always had just one person deliver your pizza), the door flew open and barely the split of a second later, Kensi Blye stood in his living room, cursing and swearing that a sailor would've blushed in embarrassment.

"Could you please explain to me what I did wrong this time?"

He was tired. Tired of trying to please her, showing her (and her team) that he was able to handle whatever they threw at him.

"Well start with explaining why you couldn't let the subject down. At least for tonight." Her face flushed, her arms crossed over her heavily heaving chest, her eyes shooting fire.

She'd never looked more attractive to him than now.

Frustated that he couldn't be more than just her partner in work, and she wouldn't even let him do that, his anger built up again as well.

"For what I see, I'm not the one fuming in your living room right now." He mirrored her pose, only a few feet seperating them.

For a moment she was actually speechless.

Okay, he was right, she wouldn't let the subject go.

But he had started it! (Who cares if she sounded like a kindergarten child?)

Catching in on her startled moment, he took a step towards her, never letting his eyes waver from hers.

"I am not the one complaining about you doing your job."  
>Another step, a humorless grin on his lips.<p>

"I am not the one all riled up, boiling with self-made fury."  
>Another step, he lowered his voice to the same dangerous level as she did earlier.<p>

"I am not the one who prefers to close up her walls whenever someone tries to care about her."  
>Another step, he stood almost nose-to-nose with her.<p>

"I am the one who cares, the one who can even _admit_ it."  
>For a moment he thought he saw something like fear in her eyes, but it was covered up so fast, he didn't know if he had not just imagined it.<p>

"You want me to admit something, Deeks?" She growled. "Fine," she spat. "I want a partner who lets me do my job, who watches my back, not my butt.

I admit that I miss my old partner. I admit that I rather listened to him, because he said something I wanted to hear."

Deeks's face fell. "That was low, even for you."

He turned on his heel and with a few strides stood by the door, opening it.

"If you really meant what you said, fine- you walk out that door right now, I walk out your life tomorrow morning." He gestured for her to leave.

The hurt in his voice and eyes let her falter in her anger. It wasn't vanished, but the all-consuming fire was not more than a fireplace any longer.

"And you claim to know me." She strode to the door, took the handle and slammed it shut.

From the inside.

"You say you know me, can read me and think you know what I need."

Deeks stood, still surprised by her actions.

"Kensi-"

"Shut up, Deeks, I wasn't finished with you."

Before he could so much as blink, she had him pinned to the wall, slanting her lips over his. If it could be called a kiss, it was rough an hard, he felt her teeth on his bottom lip, her lips not quite finding the right angle.

His response was a hand on her shoulder, intending to shove her away, to not let her make this mistake, but his body, his treatorous body that had experienced her teasing him one too many times, kissed her back.

He slowed her though, letting not only his anger, but further his longing for her be felt.

It was simply physics: he was her opposite, he pulled her towards him. Like a magnet.

She wasn't strong enough to ignore it. And now she would show him, wanting him to feel what he did to her.

How he elicited emotions in her she had locked up.

How much that hurt her.

How much it confused her.

When he felt a wetness on his cheek, different from the one his lips indulged, he pulled back.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No," virgorously she shook her head. "No, Deeks, you're not apologizing."

She closed the distance again, letting her hand wander from his cheeks to his hair, triggering a sigh swallowed by his open mouth.

He was done trying to be the gentleman.

He was done putting her feelings first.

He was done with only thinking about one of them.

This wasn't about her- if it where he would have tied her to his passenger seat and driven her to her home, seating her with a cheesy movie and the pizza he paid for her in front of the TV.

Deeks couldn't hold back the smirk as he thought about the pizza, now growing cold on her coffee table.

Kensi felt Deeks' lips curl up.

'You like this?' she thought, 'I'm not even started.'

Never giving him a second to evaluate what they did right now (if she thought it through herself she would stop and rush home, call Eric and ask him to relocate her instantly to WITSEC), she pulled him towards his bedroom and pushed him onto the matress.

She pulled off her sweater and started on her jeans, when she felt his hands caressing her hips, kissing her stomach and trailing his way up, his hands roaming as he stood up again.

The moment they felt the other's skin, neither Deeks nor Kensi could think anymore.

They only felt what they didn't dare to voice.

Not long after (neither had dared to seduce the other any further, as it meant admitting that there was the target of putting the other first), she laid on her back, staring at the ceiling and panting heavily.

This had been nothing like she'd expected her first time with Deeks would be.

She couldn't even indulge the fact that he had (to) shut up after his last apology.

Kensi waited in silence for what seemed like hours.

Waited for him to fall asleep, so she could sneak out.  
>His breath evened out.<br>But he didn't fall asleep.

How could he?

The first time with Kensi should have been slow, full of laughter and tenderness. He wanted to take his time, exploring every inch of her body, wanting her shivering and writhering beneath him, proving her in more than one way that he was not the child he acted around her. Wished to smile when his name fell breathless from her lips at his touch. Wanted to _make love_ to her.

She couldn't stand this any longer.

If she started explaining herself, she would have nothing to say.

It happened. Period.

She didn't even know _what_ had happened.

No joke, no word could defuse this bomb, lead this elephant out of the room.

He knew he couldn't hold her.

For once nothing he could say would hold her back, or make the situation less awkward.

All he could do was hope that tomorrow they would be still partners.

Avoiding his eyes, she sat up and gathered her things, slipping her clothes back on and slowly crossed the room to the door.

On the treshold she hesitated and for a moment Deeks had hope she would turn around, come back to him, at least tell him to wake up and make this just a bad dream.

She did nothing of that.

She took a deep breath and walked out.

The last thing he heard from her was a soft "sorry" muttered into the fur of his dog.

**u-_-u**


	4. The silence

Peaceful.

That was how Deeks would describe a sleeping Kensi.

She was curled on her side, her hair flowing freely over her face.

For the first time this day he smiled.

She's been edgy the whole day.

The whole time since their first night together, actually.

His gaze fell onto the boxes on the table.

He still had no answer.

_They_ still had no answer.

However this whole thing may turn out, they would need to talk about that night.

It had left a too deep impact on their friendship and certainly on their thing.

He looked at her stomach, watched the way it rose and fell with every breath.

Every calm breath.

Deeks set the glass and bottle of water on the table and sat himself by her legs, careful not to wake her.

She had to be very exhausted if she hadn't woken up by now.

A tiny part of him argued that she was too comfortable around him for her agent-senses to kick in and wake her.

He lifted a hand to touch her, but stopped short, when he felt her stirring.

Kensi made a little noise resembling a sigh and cuddled deeper into the cushions.

Deeks relaxed again.

He let his eyes travel over her sleeping face.

It was no secret that he admired her body.

But it wasn't the long legs, the toned belly and the remarkable cleveage that he found fascinating.

It were her (sometimes literally) butt-kicking legs that came to his rescue more often than never.

It was her magic of being in top shape when eating mostly junk food.

It was the way she could make men lose their brains to their pants right before she showed them how strong she was.

But lately she had been somehow different.

Even highly trained agents as Callen and Sam hadn't noticed, but Deeks knew.

He watched Kensi in a way that sometimes he scared himself for almost being a stalker.

He had forrowed a brow as she preferred a fruit salad over chicken wings.

Had seen her not using brute force of sparring but the more quiet way of work-out.

Had not said a thing about her punching him and looking regretful the second after.

When it all started he had checked the secret calendar he kept.

His "Kensi-Calendar", having a sign over everyday of the month he shouldn't come near her, but be extra-nice.

And have always emergency-chocolate within reach.

It wasn't time. And clearly it was too many days to be out of rhythm.

For the first time, here sitting next to her peacefully sleeping form, he realized that it had never been one big thing that made their relationship so unique.

It was the little things.

The fact that she pulled her punches towards him and he teased but never angered her.

The way they bickered and talked to each other like they already had a decades old marriage.

Wait.

_Already?_

Deeks sighed.

Who was he kidding?

He was ready to be more than friends.

But he was sure she wasn't.

Not yet.

That hope made him be by her side whatever times.

The good, the bad and the surprising.

Absentmindly he moved a bit closer to her, lifting her legs and setting them across his lap.

He laid his head on a pillow behind him and closed his eyes.

_Whatever happenes, I'm here._

Long ago, long before meeting Kensi he'd thought that love was about hard work and compromises.

With her it has never been adressed as such for him.

It wasn't hard for him to wait for her to be ready for them.

He felt like a child waiting for its birthday: You know it'll come so you're happy long before the moment.

And it wasn't a compromise either.

He knew her well enough to predict how she'll act. And that made him evaluate his own reaction.

Deeks never had to do something he didn't want to when it came to her.

And she never did something to make him regret or overthink that decision.

"Hmmm," Kensi murmured.

Deeks looked at her face and saw her smiling in her dreams.

Searching for the source of her wellbeing, his gaze fell to his lap, where his hands were massaging her feet.

Silently, he chuckled.

He'd heard that men did this for women who were pregnant.

"Oh, Kensi," he sighed. "What do I do with this stubborn head of yours?"

His whisper didn't go unnoticed by her as she fought the cobwebs of sleep in her head.

Without moving to give away her wakeness, she felt for her body.

By her feet she noticed something comfortable.

Waiting on recognizing what it was, she found herself on the receiving end of a foot massage.

Light and somehow uncoordinated he moved his fingers and palms over her soles.

In spite of herself and so not wanting him to know that she felt it, leave alone liked it, she kept her eyes closed and allowed herself to fall back to sleep.

There was the right time for talk and there was the right time for silence.

u-_-u


	5. The talk

It was not long before sunrise when Deeks awoke.

His neck hurt, his feet were cold and he didn't smell the mixture of beach and dog he knew his home held.  
>For better or worse he opened his eyes.<br>It was still dark inside and outside.  
>No lamp was turned on, only the light of the streetlamps and the moon enlightened the room.<br>How he'd felt that he was at Kensi's would remain a mystery to him.

The first thing he saw of her was her hunched back as she sat next to him on the couch.  
>Rubbing his neck and shaking his feet, Deeks leaned forward to see what she was doing.<p>

As he spotted the white stick in her hands a sting of cold went throught his stomach.  
>Did she already take the test?<br>Did she know the answer?  
>Why didn't she wake him?<p>

"Kensi?"  
>She shook her head.<p>

Did that mean-

Wait, something was not right...  
>The stick she was holding had still the wrapper of plastic over the tip.<br>_It was unused._  
>"I drank the whole bottle, but I have to wait a bit more."<br>Finally she turned her head, but he still couldn't read her eyes.

With a heavy sigh she angled her body so her knee was touching his.  
>"Before...before I do this I need to know where we stand."<br>_I can't jump stages here and become the mother of your child when yesterday we barely talked to each other._

Deeks nodded.  
>"Where do we start?"<br>Kensi chuckled. "That's a good question." _With so many meanings_. But she became serious once again, looking down at the pen.  
>"Okay, right at the beginning...," he looked out of the window, not daring to look her in the eyes as he continued,<br>"I made the biggest mistake of my life by sleeping with the woman I'm most attracted to."  
>He didn't see her eyes close to cover the hurt. He had wanted to say it like that and now he was going all the way with it.<br>"When she wasn't ready to be more than my best friend," he turned his head in time to see hers snapping up.

Kensi tried to read him.  
>First he dropped her down low then he became freakin' cryptic?<br>What was that game he was playing?  
>If it weren't for her limp limbs, she would have kicked him out.<br>Literally.

"And partner," she added quietly, but firmly.

"We were partners the day I signed a contract making me a NCIS liaison. The road to friendship was a bit longer, princess."  
>She had to smile despite herself.<br>It had started like that.  
>That she had to smile at his jokes, at his antics, at simply <em>him<em>.

He was supposed to have her back, but to come over and watch crappy TV with her has always been his own choice.

"But the tension was your fault." Kensi said, still smiling.  
>"Riiight." Good morning, sarcasm. "I was the one jumping on that train and swaying my hips at you."<br>"Truth to be told, it was you."  
>"Oh, come on!"<br>"It _was_ you!"  
>"When?"<br>"At the beginning."  
>"The beginning? Which one?"<br>"What do you mean?"  
>"Well there was when I first met you as Tracy, then when I first met you as NCIS Agent Blye, then was the first time we were officially partners, then-"<br>"Okay, stop, I get it, I get it," she outright laughed now.  
>"And then was the first time I woke up and knew I was screwed." His voice was quiet, serious.<p>

Her laughter died instantly.  
>"The morning after we-"<br>"No, long before that," he looked at his hands. "One morning I woke up and knew that all the dates were distraction from the one I care most about."  
>"Deeks..." She didn't want to hear it. But she had to.<br>"I didn't expect it that way, our first time. I waited for it, fantasized about it, but this..." He shook his head, not knowing how to elaborate.

She knew she had to say something, _anything_, to make the tension go away. But her brain refused to work with her here.  
>So her mouth disconnected and spoke alone: "Me too." After a pause she added, "But it could've been way worse."<br>Kensi looked at Deeks as he looked at her.  
><em>What do you mean?<em>  
>"I know it wasn't perfect, but considering the circumstances, I guess...it wasn't that bad."<br>Instead of cracking a joke or smirking, he just nodded.  
>"Deeks?"<br>What kind of things would she add now? He had had the feeling as if the talk was over.  
>"I really have to pee now."<br>And then the smirk broke free.  
>u-_-u<p>

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><p>Baby or no baby, that's the question. What do you think? Leave a Review, please, I love them so much!<p> 


	6. The test

**AN: I have the slight feeling, BlackBeltGirl67 needs to get a huge bouquet of flowers or a weightload chocolate from me. This was again perfected by her. **

**One last time me being mean then we work on the further consequences of "the night".**

* * *

><p>Deeks sighed and raked his hand through his hair.<p>

"No, I won't, Kensi."

"Just a few feet." She seemed to be nearly saying that one little word of politeness that she never said.

"Would you stop arguing with me and just get it over with?" His frustration grew.

"I can't when you're listening."

"Kens..." Another sigh.

"Why is it so important to stand right outside the bathroom, when I'm on the toilet?"

"Because knowing you, Fern, you're going to sneak out on me if I don't guard the door."

This was ridiculous and both knew it. But Deeks wanted to have an answer to that nagging question almost as badly as she wanted it.

"You want me to cover my ears?"

"Don't be childish!"

He sputtered, "Childish? Me? Who's the one refusing to go while her partner is outside the door!"

Silence.

Okay, he needed another approach.

"You can go when you're in the ladies' room in public places too."

"Yes but there I do not have to know and work with the people listening." Her voice was small; he guessed from her discomfort with this all too awkward situation.

"I can turn on some music?" He offered. _Just_ _get it over with, Kensi, please._

Again silence.

"Kensi, we've come to this situation where I've already seen all of you. Trust me, it wasn't _this_ dark," a smirk appeared on his face at the memory. His fantasies couldn't keep up with the reality.

The sting he felt because of how their first and so far only time had been was forced down to a fittingly dark place inside him.

"You know where the radio is?" Kensi's voice was barely audible.

Deeks sighed again, but complied turning going back into her living room.

Before he even got the chance to turn the device on, his partner stood behind him.

Surprised that he hadn't heard _anything_, not even the door, he turned to face her.

A weak smile was on her lips.

"Three minutes." She answered the unasked question.

He nodded. Then he took in her appearance- her dishevelled hair, her pale face, and her crumpled clothes.

"Come on, let's go for a walk."

At first, she looked at him unbelievingly.

Then she understood.

If they stayed here while waiting for the time to be up at least one of them would freak out.

She grabbed her keys from the coffee table and walked out the door he held open for her.

After she'd locked the door they fell in a quiet walk.

"I took three."

Deeks glanced at her from the side.

"Three tests." She didn't take her eyes from the path she was going.

"I know. I seen them."

This time, Kensi nodded.

Once again, only the sounds of L.A.'s night were heard beside their steps.

Out of nervousness, Deeks did what he always did when Kensi was acting strangely- he began babbling.

"You know whatever comes, I'll stick with you. If you aren't..." unable to speak the word _pregnant_ in worry to freak her out, he made a helpless gesture with his hand instead, "we will work out how to be partners and lovers. You know, partners in every sense of the word." He chuckled with forced humour. He was getting more and more nervous with each step they took.

"If you are," again he did the gesture, "we can work this out as well. I mean we've taken the worst of the worst down, haven't we? How difficult can it be for two NCIS agents to change a diaper, right? The sleepless nights are nothing new to us, we can use them as training for if we get captured and they try to torture us with sleep-deprivation-"

A loud beeping coming from her phone made him jump as well as stop rambling. Kensi had turned on her heel and was running as if away from devil, shouting "time's up" over her shoulder.

For a moment, Deeks didn't know if she meant for him to shut up or for the tests to have the answers to their question.

u-_-u

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><p><strong>Promised in the next chapter you'll have the answer!-) Review, please!<strong>


	7. The knowledge

**AN: This is where I advise all the people, who expect a nice, happy, feel-good-kinda story to click away. This is not going to be happy and won't make you feel good. Anyway it is the main chapter of this story and the reason I wrote this thing on after the first chapter.**

**For the sake of the surprise, this is only beta-ed by myself.**

* * *

><p>Her hands were shaking as she tried to put the key in the lock.<br>She would've laughed- Kensi Marie Blye shaking when all that she had to face was a little white pen like thingy.  
>Not a bomb, not a terrorist, not a cartell, not any sort of crime or threat to end her live.<p>

_Just a little white stick testifying a new life._

The second she ripped open the door, Deeks was behind her, running after her to the bathroom, where she'd left the tests.  
>Either grabbed one.<p>

Deeks was about to look at it, his heart racing, his breath shallow, his hands trembing.

"Wait!"  
>Kensi had clutched her hand over the window of the light-blue stick he was holding.<br>Now it was his turn to look at her unbelivingly.  
>"On three."<p>

He nodded.

She did too.

She let go of his hand.

Finger by finger.

One at a time.

"One..."  
>What if she was pregnant? Could she go on with her work? What would be with her and Deeks? Was he going to be a father? Was he even the father? What was that dumb question about? Would he like to be a father? Did he only like kids when he could give them back to their parents?<p>

"Two..."  
>Could they do this? Could they be good parents? Could they raise a child when they both had been scarred by their childhoods? What would it be like? Would she keep the child? Wasn't their job too dangerous?<br>What would they do if they saw the whole life of their child- from carrige to grave? Would they be strong enough to support each other? Would they have the time for the child? Would they have the space? Should they move in a new house?

"Three."  
>Kensi and Deeks still looked each other in the eyes, not yet brave enough to face the possible outcome of one stupid mistake they made.<p>

_Never go in unprepared._  
>A small smile curved his lips at the rememberance of Callen's words.<p>

Kensi took courage from that.  
>For a simple gesture like this it held a lot of comfort.<br>Whatever might come, they'll be in this together.

Ever so slowly she turned the white-blue stick she was holding around in her hands.  
>Deeks followed her example.<br>He frowned.  
>"Okay. Kensi, I think we forgot that we need the guidelines to decifer that. I have absolutely no idea what that means." Accusingly he pointed at the device in his hand.<br>"Me too." Kensi whispered.  
>As she dropped on the edge of her bathtub, he looked at her.<p>

She'd spoken the same word with a different meaning.  
>One hand held the stick, the other she had laid on her forehead.<p>

No words were needed.  
>Her pale face said enough.<p>

Kensi Blye was pregnant.

After the initial shock, Deeks turned to find the boxes of the tests.  
>He didn't know what else to do.<br>He didn't know if he should comfort Kensi or twirl her around and laugh.

His brain reasoned to check what the other tests said. One could be wrong. Or she could have read it wrong.  
>"Am not," she whispered, as if she'd read his mind.<br>"Who knows? A smile and a plus can also mean 'Hurray, you can carry on with your life as before' I mean not to everyone a pregnancy is something positive-"  
>"Deeks!" She took a deep breath. She didn't mean for her voice to be so loud. Afraid she'll shout at him again, she simply held her pen up for him to <em>read<em>.  
>There was no mistaking a plus or a smiley or two lines: the test actually threw your situation in your face.<br>It read out the word _pregnant_.

Deeks tumbled a step back.

Kensi dropped her face in her hands.  
>She didn't know what to do.<br>She really didn't.  
>Of all things, all kinds of lifes she could picture herself in, none of it was the life of a mother.<p>

What now?  
>Deeks knew that in this stage of her pregnancy it was all up to her if she would go that way.<br>Keep the clump of their mixed DNA inside her, carry it until it became an actual human being.  
>But he would stay true to his words: whatever she decided, he would be there with her.<p>

"Kensi?"  
>He kneeled down in front of her, laying his hands on her knees to give her the reassurance of him there.<p>

Slowly, she shook her head.  
>"I c-can't..." A fit of sobs broke free and racked her limp body.<p>

Deeks leaned up and put his arms around her.  
>After taking a deep breath himself, he hugged her more tightly.<br>He rocked her and tried to calm her down, but wasn't able to get through to her.

Suddenly caring about something as trivial as that his knees began to hurt, he cradled her in his arms and pulled her from the tub in his lap.  
>Leaning his back against one of the blank cold walls, he stretched his legs and held her close.<br>He rubbed the shoulder not pressed into his body, as she sat sideways on his legs, soothingly.  
>Kensi clutched onto his shirt and pressed her face into his chest.<br>Her tears soaked the fabric.

"It's okay, princess. We'll figure it out."  
>At the soft whisper of his nickname for her she couldn't hold up any strenght a second longer. She let go of everything and lost herself in what difficulties she knew she was now in.<p>

For endless minutes they sat there, the only sounds Kensi's sobs and Deeks soft words.  
>After the sobs lessened, he reached one arm up and flicked the lights off, engulfing them in darkness.<br>Then he pulled a towel from the floor and wrapped it around Kensi.  
>Her crying slowly drained her so much that she fell asleep in his arms.<p>

Not being able to move himself and now certainly not strong enough to carry her to the bedroom, Deeks leaned his head back and secured his hands around the sleeping woman.  
>The exhaustion immediately took over him, because as soon as he closed his eyes, he fell asleep.<br>u-_-u

* * *

><p><strong>If you are not happy with this outcome (namely that Kensi was neither happy nor optimistic). Take on step back and remember what she is like in the series: she loves her job, she lost her fiancé and she says she doesn't do well with children. She loves Deeks, but isn't in a relationship, both have dangerous jobs that might endanger a child and they never know if they come home unharmed or even at all.<strong>

**This were my thoughts when writing the first chapter, I love the thought of Kensi getting pregnant and Deeks being there for her, but it imo most likely be a shock for her.**

**So yeah, before you throw a tantrum at this piece of FICTION, either read one of the happy pregnant-fics or tell me via pm why you don't agree with my train of thought here.**

**All the ones who liked my perspective: I would love to read about it^"^**


	8. The breakout

Kensi awoke with a start.  
>The darkness around her and the feeling of being held roused panic in her.<br>She jumped up and hit her knee on something cold and solid.  
>That woke the other person in the room with her.<br>To her surpire he seemed to be the calmness in person.

"Kensi."

The softness with which the words were being said made tears well up in her eyes.  
>Deeks' presence made her remember at once everything that had happened.<br>Bracing herself on the bathtub, with her back to him, she closed her eyes and bit her lip. Only one question was on her mind, and she had the distinct feeling of already knowing the answer, and no, this wouldn't make anything in her life easier.

"It wasn't a dream?"

The seconds passing as she waited for his answer could have been years. It sure felt like it.

"No."

She heard him get up from the floor.  
>He took a few tentative steps towards her, as if he were afraid she would break. Wasn't unlikely, now was it?<br>Slowly he put his arms around her middle.

Kensi felt a shiver going through her body, leaving a warm feeling in its wake.  
>Only Deeks was able to make her feel this way.<br>Only he was the one to calm down.  
>To tear her defences down.<br>To become less alert.  
>To become weak.<br>To not think straight.  
>To act without her brains.<p>

It had been his hands on her body that had shut down the voice that usually asked for protection when sleeping with a man.  
>She hadn't fished for her purse to get one to be sure it had no holes or was too dry and ripped.<p>

It was him that had sent her to blissful oblivion.  
>She only wanted to feel, not think.<br>Her normally double-checking self had been blown away by his kisses.

How could she had let that happen?  
>Because she trusted him to have her back when the bullets flew?<p>

How could she have stopped wanting to be in control?  
>Because he was worth her trust?<p>

How could she be sure he would stay?  
>Because she felt secure in his arms?<p>

"Kensi?"

All of the sudden fury wailed in her, shouting at her that this man had done worse to her than anybody else, including Jack.

Jack had gone but left her the opportunity to carry on with her life and pick up only the shattered parts of herself.

And Deeks?  
>Innocent looking, sweet, charming, caring Deeks?<p>

If he had enough of her and the mess he'd created, he could turn around as well as Jack and go.  
>Shut the door from the outside and leave her for good. More broken than he was able to fix.<br>It would already destroy her if she didn't have him in her life anymore, but having to look at what they created every single day without him by her side? Impossible.

"You okay?"

Seriously?!  
>SERIOUSLY?<p>

No, she was not okay. She was not even fine.

Without a word, she turned around and did what she feared him doing the most: she left.

w-_-w

Driving mindlessly throught the streets, her thoughts were still on rampage about her current situation.

She couldn't carry out a child, she didn't know what to eat and how to behave. Could she go on with her work-out? Did she need to? Hetty would put her on desk duty for the next year, then she had to evalute for her job again, going through all the tests she had to take at the beginning again. Combat, gun-handling, psych-evaluation. And this time Nate wouldn't be around and understand her. He wouldn't be there to see behind her masquerade. He knew she did her job for her dad, but let her in the team though.

Her dad. She had been a daddy's girl. Then the world had taken him away. From one day to the next he was gone. Not there for her, not being able to support, soothe or motivate her anymore. Just so. That easily.  
>What if she died in the line of duty? What if she took another job? Would it be as fulfilling as being a federal agent? She doubted it.<p>

She doubted herself. Could she really go through all this?  
>In a few months running around with extra-weight, in less than a year not being able to tie her shoes on her own?<p>

Even something trivial as not being allowed to drink alcohol seemed to be another strike, although she never drank that much.

No bars to go to to let lose and dance.  
>Not looking around, never being quite able to get rid of the agent inside her that watched out for any criminal activity, a tiny voice inside her chastised.<p>

She wouldn't be able to go undercover to distract a suspect with a short, tight dress. She'd hated that, but she knew it was something only she could do. It was her being a special part in the team. Not a pretty part, but sometimes the only way to go without bloodshed.

Now they would have to send Nell for these missions.  
>Nell knew how to handle a gun, knew how to defend herself, but she didn't have much field-training.<br>If a situation occured that stood in no book, Nell would have to decide what to do and she might have excellent brains, but she never got years of building something like an instinct for what to do to get herself and others safely out of a dangerous zone.  
>Which would all be important if she became Kensi's substitute.<p>

Suddenly it hit Kensi- Nell would have to have Deeks' back, go with him on stakeouts and act as his girlfriend or wife.

If he got hurt, or worse, Kensi would have nobody to help her raise the child.  
>She would become a single-mother left alone with all the grief for her partner.<p>

And for now that was not acceptable.

Realizing where she'd driven to, she dialed a number she knew like her birthday.

"Hetty, something happened..."  
>u-_-u<p>

**AN: I really like to thank all of you who have been so patient with my long breaks between updates. Blame it on locked hotspots around the world...**

**Drop me a review, they are really appreciated!**


	9. The disunion

Deeks stood there frozen after the door had slammed.  
>He didn't know...well, anything.<br>What had just happened?

Kensi had jumped up from his lap, seemingly in panic.  
>Maybe she'd had a nightmare? Sleeping on the bathroom floor wasn't comfortable, his own legs hurt like something.<p>

Kensi's behaviour still was strange.  
>After seemingly relaxing into him, feeling comfy, she'd run out as if his embrace was burning her.<br>As if his mere touch was too much for her for take.

That hurt him, deeply.  
>After their talk in the morning he'd thought they were going to be okay. More than this even, or so he'd hoped, but seeing as it was they were not even <em>fine<em>.

He rubbed his hands over his face. The night he'd just had was one of the most eventful in his life, and that meant something

Pregnant.

Kensi was pregnant.

He searched for the light-switch and turned the burning white light on.  
>Immediately his gaze fell to the sink onto the stick, which read the word.<p>

Stupid thing!

He picked it up from the floor and raised his arm to throw it against the wall.  
>He stopped dead.<br>He didn't move a single centimeter.  
>He couldn't.<p>

Somehow he wasn't able to destroy the thing that witnessed what he and Kensi had done and what was the result of this all.  
>How the tension had been broken.<p>

How their thing had worked out.  
>How their lives were thrown into a loop.<br>How they had been careless and free.  
>Careless of the consequences and free of rational thought.<p>

How stupid they had been.  
>And how much he'd liked it.<br>A small smile stole its way on his lips. The lips Kensi had kissed a few weeks prior. He couldn't forget how it had felt. Not only her soft skin, hot against his; but also how none of them seemed to have been able to hold anything back anymore. They hadn't just resolved some tension. No, he knew that they hadn't simply slept with their partner, they had made love to the person being most important to each other. Deeks hoped that at least deep down Kensi could realize that too. She must have, he assured himself, the feelings that night were way too powerful and overwhelming to be one-sided.

His mood faltered. There was a difference between one night and a life with a child.  
>Sure, he always wanted a family, a baby girl or boy he could show the world, make laugh and be a good parent too, proving to the world that a rough childhood didn't mean becoming a bad parent.<br>But now, without being in a relationship, without even knowing where they stood with each other? That wasn't his plan for Kensi and him. This was way too fast and deep.

He still wondered how he had figured her pregnancy out.  
>Up until he had noticed her strange behaviour and taken his clues, he never thought about the possibility.<p>

In hindsight, he should have. After what both of them had forgotten before going that far. An internal battle couldn't side on why he'd not protected them from this:

Normally he never forgot this huge detail.  
>(Normally he wasn't washed away with feelings and emotions.)<br>Normally he used it even if women said they very on birth-control and he didn't have to.  
>(Normally he didn't know the medical records of the women he slept with.)<br>Normally he had his head in the game.  
>(Normally his heart didn't lead his actions.)<p>

All things that could have gone wrong, went wrong. As in right place, wrong time. Something his job and his instincts had taught him to avoid, it could lead to bad things. He refused to call Kensi's pregnancy a bad thing for him though.

He walked to Kensi's living room and dropped onto the couch.  
>The memories of the previous night flared up.<br>She had talked to him, even laughed and joked with him.

Why was she so angry now?

Because she was the one to make a decision now. Before it was just theory, something she might not have to decide.  
>Whatever that decision would be, she would have to live with it till the end of her days.<p>

She wouldn't be able to work in the field.  
>With or without a bump, she would have to stick to desk-duty for at least a few weeks.<br>His decision to sign in as an NCIS agent had turned to dust the second the possibility of her pregnancy was there.

He couldn't leave her to go on training or undercover for even one day.  
>He had to be there for her.<br>Badass, butt-kicking Agent Kensi Blye was in misery and it was his fault as well.

If only she weren't a world-saving agent.

For all the good she'd done, she had too much enemies.  
>Because of that she shouldn't have a routine in her life, she couldn't rely on the only-female ways of birth-control.<p>

Getting pills every day wouldn't work, if she mustn't keep a routine and worked different hours almost every day.  
>Getting a patch would corrupt the way she sometimes had to dress in less than something to lead a suspect on.<br>Getting a shot would raise questions of why she had to change her doctor everytime.  
>All of the ways, as well as every other method he knew about, could be poisoned on top of that.<p>

He rubbed his eyes and went back to the bathroom.  
>Somehow it was strange that he didn't feel like an intruder in the household of his partner, even if she wasn't present.<br>They were so familiar with the other's life, as if they had spent all of it together.  
>They might as well live together and it would only change the fact that he missed her when he woke up in the morning alone, after dreaming of her in his arms.<p>

He took a deep breath.  
>When that didn't work, he took another one.<p>

He knew he had to search for her.  
>She was at least his partner.<br>If not his friend anymore.

Deeks looked at himself in the mirror.  
>He had to fight the urge to flinch.<p>

He looked horrible.  
>His hair stuck in every direction from his head, his eyes were bloodshot and had bags beneath them and his skin seemed pale as if he hadn't seen the light of day for weeks.<br>That were sometimes the consequences of being undercover for weeks, months.

Now he had that much stress packed into less than 24 hours.

If he felt like that, he could only imagine what Kensi was going through, seeing it was her body.

Dammit!  
>He clenched his hand.<br>The day he knew about him going to be a father was supposed to be a happy day. He was supposed to be singing, dancing, shouting it off every roof he could find, that his dream had come true!  
>He'd always liked kids.<br>How they always saw the best in anything.  
>How they were still so innocent and unknowing to the evil of the world.<p>

Not every child had a happy childhood, he himself knew how hard and brutal life in the wrong family can be.  
>But he figured if he did all the things the man called his father had never done, or did the complete opposite, he could be a decent father.<p>

To Kensi's child on top.  
>The woman he felt stronger and stronger every day for.<br>She made him laugh, even with her bad concept of humor.  
>She laughed about his good jokes and smiled about his bad, even if she thought he didn't see it.<br>She kept his back, even if he had done something stupid.  
>She kept him on his toes, spurring him to become smarter and more witty every day.<p>

She'd made him stronger and loosen up at the same time.  
>She took him serious when he was all but a clown.<br>She let him see her strong sides as well as her weak.

She made him talk about his father, even when they hadn't worked more than one operation.  
>He'd never been this open with anyone else.<p>

And he couldn't let her run like this.  
>If she wanted to go, fine.<br>But not like this.  
>Not in anger or without words.<p>

Sighing and splashing some ice-cold water in his face, he went to search for her.  
>At first, he texted her.<br>No reply, unsurprisingly.

Then he tried to call her.  
>She didn't answer, but he pleaded with her voicemail to tell him she was okay.<p>

Then he looked around her house, but already knew that he would find her badge and gun as well as her wallet and house-keys.

She hadn't gone to work.

To not raise unnecessary attention and questions he didn't contact anyone of the team.  
>He hoped they would inform him if Kensi showed up at one of their houses.<p>

Finally, he locked her front door and went to search for her himself.

w-_-w

Even if the bright daylight hurt his eyes, and he hadn't gotten more than a few winks, no waves at all and no coffee this morning, he didn't give up looking for the most important person in his live. By this time she could be in OPS already, so he headed in that direction.

When he was one street away from work, he got a call. The ringtone told him who it was.

"Hetty. What can I do for you?" He tried to conceal his emotional state with a chipper tone.

"I believe that I can do something for you, Mister Deeks." He didn't know what to say, so he waited for her to continue. "Miss Blye informed me that she would not come to work today. I just meant to tell you that."

He didn't ask how she knew that Kensi hadn't talked to him herself. It was Hetty, she knew everything.

"Since we don't have a case by now, I give you two hours to come to work. By then I expect you to be there completely, not only physical. Do you understand?"

"Thank you, Hetty," he just said and disconnected the call after she did.

At least he had time to take a shower and his dog for a walk.

Maybe that would clear his head, for he saw that the sea was calm today. No waves, no surfing.

Yeah, the whole world had to make this the worst day of his life.

So why was he smiling inwardly at the thought of the white pregnancy-test that he kept hidden in the inside pocket of his jacket?  
>u-_-u<p> 


End file.
